Hold the vision, trust the process – Unknown
I have had a few mess up in my relationship with people, we all make one or two silly mistakes anyway.
The lives of babies are really interesting. I remember, as a little boy when my dad throw me up, I will smile and giggle out loud without the fear of falling.
I trusted my dad’s heart, I believed his hands, I cling to the generous hope in his eyes, I freely fly as far as he would throw me. Good old days!
As we all grow older, we meet people outside of our immediate families, we develop relationship with people from another society and we tear open our lives to strangers that care to listen to us. We chat, we laugh on the phone, we smile when their names flash up in our dreams. Yes!
Then, in the middle of it all, something goes wrong, just a simple mistake!
We mistakenly miss a digit on the financial statement, we forgot our mothers’ birthday, we didn’t fulfill a promise and we miss our daughter’s graduation and so on.
Our crisis management skills suddenly disappear. The rosy moments we share with our loved ones immediately get lost in the deep waters of little wrongs, small foxes enter and our beautiful vine is thrashed.
Yeah! I have been there. One of my best friends said to me,
‘I trusted you, but I can’t stand seeing you, just leave me alone’
‘I put my entire secret into your hand, yet you stabbed me in the back’
‘I opened up my life to you, I loved you but you crushed my trust’
In times like this, what can you do to get back the trust of your friend? Let’s look into 3 simple things that can help us win back our relationship.
Immediate apology hasn’t helped so much. Simply accept that you are wrong. I tried all routes to explain and convince, non of the tricks clicked a strand of hair. No form of personal defense will safe your dirty face, not right now. Simply, be humble for once and swallow your pride.
Put your blades in its sheath and let the situation subside. Let the grains find root at the rock base. Allow your boss to vent his anger, give your sister the opportunity to really get mad at you. Let your friend release their rage
We all make mistakes, acknowledge this one.
I use the LLATA model here. It’s the Listen, Listen, Ask, Think and Act!
Again, you don’t need to preach to your friend or boss. Go to them when the volcanic eruption has calmed down, go and listen to them. Allow them to vent out all the anger a little more.
First step in real empathy is listening. For several centuries and even today, listening skill is an amazing strength for anyone that has it. Your friend will push you off; listen in to their emotions, to their words, to their silence, to their healing process.
Go ahead; ask them about all the wrong things they feel about your action. You don’t always need the third or fifth party to do this for you. Go back to your dear friend, ask and listen in!
Then, if they agree, design an action plan together. What do they feel you can do that they will be happy to support you for the trust to be built back? That is thinking together about how the healing process should go.
Then, action is the third tip. Read on.
This is more crucial. The secret here is that you have to be consistent, comforting, and dependable to earn the trust again. Start out with baby noticeable steps. Here, a magic won’t turn things around. Don’t rush your friend into trusting you right away.
Patiently invest in the minute things. Try out meetup in a new place, try out new kinds of gifts (in words or as a substance) and try out new approach to conversations and so on.
Yes, this process might take a few more years to solidify. Stay committed to making it work. Relationship is everything!
Now, it’s your turn. How have you made your friends trust you again after a silly mistake? Which of these tips are you struggling with?